♡ Out Of NoWhere ♡

Going Bald & Then Growing It Back After Chemo

I will never forget the day that I started losing my hair 

I had hair that was long blonde with brown highlight and it was about halfway down my back 

shaved it all off because I got tired of waking up with clumps of hair everywhere

taking a shower and having less hair every time i brushed my fingers threw

went to bed crying every night and woke up crying everyday 

looking in the mirror was hard 

sleeping on a bald head felt so weird 

when it started growing back after using special hair-wash

it didn't bother me i wore my wig everyday and never went out without it

the most exciting part of my day was when i would get home and be able to take it off

my hair grew back dark brown and curly i hate it 

i feel like the ugliest person in the world 

everytime i see someone with hair like mine used to be i hate them with a passion

i hate looking at myself everyday in the mirror without my wig 

i just wish i would be pretty again i never feel pretty anymore

i feel like my Fiancé is going to leave me because my hair isn't long and pretty 

even watching a movie with some actress with long pretty hair with him makes me nervous

i am so scared that i am not good enough for him because of my hair and what i look like

i just wish i could have my self confidence back like the old days 

having caner and losing my hair lowered my self esteem more then ever!

Alkyhall..

Idk why but its something that really bothers me with you. I can't stand it. I hate when u drink around me u r like a totally different person it makes me so mad!!! I can't stand it, u r ok for a while and then your dumbass attitude kick in and I just wanna punch u in the face! Sometimes I need some alone time and I find that when I need it most is when u r drinking. I just feel like if anything is gonna come between us it's gonna be your drinking what do I do?!?!

I Am Not Sure Why...

Im not sure why guys do the things they do...i have to rant about something that really bothers me...keeping ex girlfriends pictures and screen captures of texts that were innappropriate if you are with someone else...having a screen capture of a text from a girl that says " i got myself off last night and screamed your name" like WTF!! why would you keep that on your phone and during the time that we were talking....Hmmm i don't care if we weren't "together" but you we're still talking to me... Caught in a lie, he told me nothing ever happened with her and that she was just a good friend. and to make matters worse its the one girl who really bothers me....its not important but it really bothers me. i have trust issues now he can show me all he wants that he wasn't talking to her or hasn't been but there is such thing as a delete button...Hmm...IDK.. FuCk iT..it really bothers me and upsets me and yeah idk what to think right now... guess its a bad thing to be dating a writer or someone that likes to write because i write about everything~~~~~~Grrrrrr.....I am so upset right now but it doesn't matter he doesn't understand he isn't a girl and the process in a girls mind is different... guys are simple and girls are complex..you can't explain something to guy that would only make sense in a girls mind! I'm hungry tummy growling...maybe i shouldn't eat i might be less attractive and not be the perfect girl... <3 Till Next Time-Amanda Skye <3

perception of beauty is distorted

The pressure on women to look and behave in certain ways is so deeply ingrained in our psyches that it’s easy to overlook the impact mass culture has on how we feel about ourselves and our bodies. Watching TV, reading magazines and newspapers, surfing the Net, we are bombarded with airbrushed images of perfect beauty and thinness. Inevitably we absorb the relentless message that such beauty is the norm, and is achievable, if only we would … use this makeup, remove that hair, buy the right clothes, reshape that body part.

Many of us know that the unspoken promise -- use our product, and you will get the love, the happiness, or the success you want -- is a lie. Many of us have had long, ongoing struggles to accept our bodies as they are and to make our peace with, and possibly even celebrate, food. Still, there are times our insecurities and self-loathing outweigh our feminist sensibilities, and we need reinforcements to remind us that looks don’t make the woman.

its actually very sad that they do this, it makes certain women that are not super models or something so awesome so that their partner will not like them as much as if they were a super model fake plastic BITCH! i hate the way that the media portrays women they sell certain clothing to make us think they we have to be that skinny to fit in it, wear certain make up and look a certain way in order to be accepted. its sad it really is. 

Images of female bodies are everywhere. Women—and their body parts—sell everything from food to cars. Popular film and television actresses are becoming younger, taller and thinner. Some have even been known to faint on the set from lack of food. Women’s magazines are full of articles urging that if they can just lose those last twenty pounds, they’ll have it all—the perfect marriage, loving children, great sex, and a rewarding career.

truth is none of the women look like that in real life they are all photoshoped and airbrushed its fake ass bullshit and it makes other women that are not printed on a magazine front page or on tv or in popular pictures look bad. it shows men that all women should like this and if they don't they are just another girl. I wish the media who show the real faces of the women instead of making them look like something they are not. 

it truly is discusting no one looks like that unless you have to fix them to look like that, and the one pic with the girl in the mirror thats how being a girl feels. either you are skinny and you feel fat or your fat and you wish you were skinny. nothing is every good enough for the world. you just have to accept yourself for you. 

Sunday Sunday Sunday NASCAR

Well this week was pretty much epic. Omg why am I says epic.. Wonder where I got that from... Haha....so I've been up in Phx for NASCAR since thursday. Been having a great time' but today is the big race for NASCAR lets go jimmie. I also am making a video montage of what NASCAR is to those of you who just hate on it. It's not all about the cara driving in circle. There is way more to that. I'm super excited for this video. It's gonna be epic haha whew. Got a few shirts and a hat which is nice. On the other hand me and my bf got in our first fight it sucked ass... We over came it though. Whew just got back from the NASCAR race Jimmie came in 4th. Which is still great. I am going to see my love and then drive back to tucson tonight. I'll write more later till next time-Amanda Skye <3

Im Gonna Touch You In Front Of This Camera

Today was a slow day mostly because I was waiting until my lovely Boyfriend came into town to see me for two and  a half days. I went to class and then came home and relaxed and tried to do random things to keep me occupied until like 11:30pm or so. I watched two movies and took a bath, cleaned house and then was on Tango with Treasure when he arrived. We went to Wal*Mart and bought groceries he won the price guessing game i guessed $215 and he guessed $160, he was closest it was $177- Is now 1:43am and he is playing Forza4 and I'm writing on here we have to wake up early to go babysit my nephew tomorrow. Then we are making dinner tomorrow night together again just like last week when we made fajitas. He is still better then me at drifting but i will pass him up one day. This weekend shall be fun NASCAR up in PHX which is awesome WOOHOO GO 48!! JIMMIE JOHNSON.  I miss Treasure she is amazing i wish she would move here. k idk what else to write about Till next time-Amanda Skye <3

You're nothing short of my everything

Used to ride the bus with you, Used to want to talk with you

4 Years passed i came across you again,
made me smile like never before,

decided to meet up  with you after about a month of talking,
was so nervous that night but slowly i grew to like you even more and more,

we travel back and forth and see other but not just for that you have your job duties that you have to take care of and i support that.
i look up to you, you are more then a boyfriend to me i consider you my best friend

i can talk to you about anything, we share everything, and pretty quickly i realized that i fell i love with you.

i have to admit that I'm scared to death to fall in love again, last time i did everything for someone and i got thrown under the bus but that was in high school so it was high school love i guess you would say.

i trust you!  i have a very hard time trusting people but for some reason i can trust you i still am nervous for this its not that its moving to fast cuz i know what i feel and i know that i am completely in love with you.

I never thought i would find someone that was pretty much just me but with a penis haha
you are simply amazing, you make me laugh you don't judge me, and you accept me for me and its amazing.

i always have a smile on my find near or far you always know how to put that smile on this face. and thats the best feeling.

I hope this works out because i don't think ill ever find someone that has so much in common with me that we just click like me and you did. i hope that i don't fall back into a trap like i used to where i would do anything for someone i love and then i get nothing back. i don't want feel that feeling again. you JMH are the best thing that I've came across since i moved here and in general I've never felt this connection before, i don't want you to think bad things. only good things.

"you know you are in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better then your dreams"

i believe that two people are connected at the heart, it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are, or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together.

you come to love not by finding the perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

don't judge :]

till next time- Amanda Skye <3